A Letter to My Daughter

Dear Sweetest Annabelle,

Did the angels kiss you goodnight?

It is your bedtime here on earth. I know that there is no darkness in heaven. Do you still take a nap? Do you go down for a rest? You love to be held and Mommy could rarely get you to sleep anywhere but on me or your Daddy. Mommy and Daddy would hold you all day if you wanted us to. Do the angels hold you when you need a nap? I hope they do. I pray you are held all the time. As I was putting your big brother to bed tonight, I asked him about what he thought you were doing in heaven. He said that he knew you were happy there. I asked him what he wants to do when he sees you in heaven, he wants to "hold you every day". He loves you so, sweet girl.

I dream of your time in heaven and what fun you must be having. I wonder if my Mommy, your Grandmommy, is rocking you. I imagine she has made you a beautiful smocked dress made with gold thread. I imagine she has the most beautiful bows adorning your precious and anointed head, my baby. You will always be my angelic daughter with deep blue eyes that share your strength and wisdom far beyond your precious little time on earth.

Annabelle, you know Mommy misses you immensely and cannot wait to hold you again. God has promised me that there is no pain or hurt in heaven. From His promises, I know that you are safe and your heart is healed completely. I praise God that you will never face any more surgeries or medications, no more struggling to eat and no more needles, my precious child. God has made you perfect in heaven... you always will be to me.

Oh sweetest baby girl, do you run and play now? Do you have friends in heaven? Do you sit at Jesus' feet and listen to His stories? I bet they are much better than the stories that I could ever share with you. I remember the first book that I read to you in PCICU when you were two days old. It was late at night and your Daddy was sitting beside you holding your little hand. I read you "Gigi, God's Little Princess". You seemed to enjoy it although the alarms did go off once while I was reading to you. Your little heart raced a bit...you continued to sleep peacefully. Do you remember that story? I knew from the moment that God gave us our porcelain heart baby that you were His princess. We were honored to be your Mommy and Daddy. I will always be honored and eternally grateful for the gift of loving you, my Bella Boo.

Do you remember staring so much while you were with us on earth, angel baby? Just a day before you flew to Jesus' arms, Mommy noticed you staring at a picture of my Mommy. You were just cooing and kicking your chubby little legs at her like you knew her all along. I never realized that laying you on your changing table would give you the perfect view of her. Mommy and Daddy thought that maybe your medicine made you stare. I think you were staring at angels, your angels. Did you see them watching you? Did you know they would carry you home to be with Jesus? Is my Mommy one of them taking care of you and loving you today? I think she is. She loved to doll me up just as much I love to doll you up. Grandaddy says that I am a lot like her in those ways. She was the best mommy to me. Isn't she the best Grandmommy Angel to you, beautiful baby girl?

In just two short days, it will be Mother's Day here on earth. I will think of my two amazing children and the gift that you both have given me in being your mommy. I will dwell on the love that I have for both of you. The love that will never fade but only grow in the memories and time that we share. It will be a hard day for Mommy without you to hold in my arms, but I will always hold you in my heart. You have made me stronger. You have taught me how to love deeper. I love your Daddy and your big brother more because of you loving me. Do you know how much I love you? Do you remember your Daddy calling you "Sugar"? He did, my angel, because you are the sweetest baby girl.

Did the angels kiss you goodnight? I asked them to...for me.

Love forever~ Mommy