Okay, y'all...I am practicing the power of positive thinking! I have to. I need some therapy today heading into what should be Annabelle's First Thanksgiving...her first little turkey smocked dress and matching hairbow are a distant dream today. Well, maybe not so much the hairbow...she's has that at her "special place" on the angel that I've shared with you about a while back. Still, tomorrow also marks several other difficult milestones...it's Thursday and it's the 27th. If you've followed along our journey, you know both of those are hard ones...much more so when they're combined and on a beloved holiday. (Does anyone have a box that I may live in???) BUT, this is not where I am going today.
I am thank-FULL!
I have many reasons to be. The biggest and yet one of the smallest reasons isn't going to be here to share the day with me but, at the same time, she is! We were not only given but tremendously blessed with 8 weeks and 3 days to kiss, smell, watch, hold, pray over, wipe, dress, feed, and LOVE our baby girl. That is 8 weeks and 3 days more than any of us are guaranteed. We knew from 14 weeks along in my pregnancy with her that every single day that I carried her was a gift. Every day she breathed life beyond that, even more so. Although, she is not here with our family any more, she is still a vital part of us all. Wyatt has asked Jesus every night since her passing, to "give Annabelle a big kiss and a hug and tell her that I love her" and most recently requests that He "pat her on the hiney when she eats". (Amazing what he remembers!)
I am thank-FULL!
Beyond the 8 weeks and 3 days of life with Annabelle, my life has been consumed with carrying on her legacy...a ministry to others experiencing situations similiar to what we faced. I would be lying if I told you that I wouldn't have it any other way. Of course, I would. Just in case anyone hasn't figured it out yet, our plan usually isn't the same as God's plan. But, this has got to be the next best thing...it began as therapy and has become an incredible ministry. Someone recently said to me that they "could have told me that Annabelle was going to be high-maintenance"! No kidding! I love every second of it and so grateful that the Lord placed this ministry in our hands.
I am thank-FULL!
I am most thankful for a Saviour who died a horrible death for me and took my sins as His own. He knew the anger and pain and hurt and abandon that I would feel today. He has forgiven me for the countless times that I have asked Him "why?"....and He holds me close and speaks to me through His Word. He has welcomed my daughter into His Heaven and given her a life that she never would have had here...a better, purer, holier life than I could ever imagine for her. He promises me eternal life with them both. He gives me strength to get out of bed every morning, courage to face others when I leave my home, joy to share in my son's accomplishments, peace to sit still and listen to Him when I want to run and scream, and His love to share openly, freely, and abundantly.
I am thank-FULL!
With His love and thanksgiving~ Rebecca
P.S.- this just happens to be the 100th post! Hummm...think someone else is in charge here?
16 comments:
Rebecca, Your words have touched my heart tonight. I will be praying for you all tomorrow. Just think of the Thanksgiving feast that Annabelle and Lindsay will be having. To sit with Jesus at His table is going to be awesome for them. Here on earth for us it will be hard, but like you said we have much to be thankful for. I know I am so thankful that God aloud Jon and I to be Lindsay's parents and to help raise her. I am also thankful for your friendship even though we haven't meet in person yet. I could go on but I won't you share my heart in so many ways.
Love,
Laura
I am Laura's sister. I have been keeping up on Annabelle's blog. I will be keeping you and your family in prayer tomorrow as it marks a hard day for you. I don't know "exactly" what you are going through but as an Aunt of an amazing little Angel named Lindsay, I can say I know your heart and how you long for her. I am thankful that you know our God and that you lean on him to get you through. I know Lindsay and Annabelle are running around and having the best time.
With many prayers,
~Julie Houston
Rebecca,
You are so amazing. Your words are so touching and remind us all what we should truly be thankful for this holiday season. I'm so grateful that our paths crossed. Annabelle will live on in our hearts forever. She is so blessed to have you as her mama and I'm sure you'll see a sign of her tomorrow while you celebrate this holiday... Praying for you still and may you find peace and love in a day that is difficult for your sweet family. Much love to you and Happy Thanksgiving to the Butchers from the Allreds!
Love and hugs,
Katie
Wonderful post Rebecca. It truly is a time to be thank-full and remember all that the Lord has given us. Someone told me today that I must be so special as a woman and mother to have been given such a sweet, pure spirit and that our family is lucky because we have our very own angel in heaven looking down on us. Not many can claim that gift. The same goes for you and your family. Don't get me wrong, I did not want it this way either and I would give anything to have her back, but the Lord does have a plan for our families.
I pray that you have a special Thanksgiving and feel the presence of your little angel close to you all day.
Keisa
Rebecca, you are truly an amazing woman, just like my daughter, Laura. I know that our Lindsay and your Annabelle are having the "bestest" time with Jesus today, even though we long to hold them one more time. Thank you for reminding us of what we truly need to be thankful for. I follow your blog and some of the others you have touched. You have certainly touched our family. I feel like we have been best friends. I will be praying for you tomorrow as well as your husband and son, and through the tears we will make it through yet another day. God is soooo good and faithful.
Love,
Jan (GrannyApple)
Beautiful Beautiful post! I have been thinking of you so much lately and especially for tomorrow on the 27th. We love you and pray for you so very often. I am riding around proudly with my annabelle basket magnet on my car!
with MUCH thanks,
Johanna
Your post gave me, what did you call it, chilly bumps! I am thankful for so much this holiday and especially thankful for you. I am thankful that you became a part of my life and I'm thankful that I was able to find you when Annabelle was here on earth with us. I still haven't called because Lindsay has been a busy body, which is great, but by the time I'm out of the hospital, it is 1am!!! I will try Friday. I can't wait to here your voice.....
Love to you always!
Suzie
Rebecca ~ This is such a beautiful post. I thought about you and Annabelle the other day and that the 27th would fall on Thanksgiving. Just as thankful as you are for her she is for you! She will be having a wonderful feast as well with all her new friends. My thougths, love and prayers are with you all on this day! Have a wonderful Thanksgiving...
Much love, Amanda
I am sending great big hugs your way today from WA. I will be thinking of you and praying you get through this day. I am thankful that I have met you through your blog. I will not take any time with my kids for granted. Happy Thanksgiving to all of you!! Love, Michelle and family
Rebecca, I remembered this morning that today is the 27th and I thought of you and Annabelle. I came to Annabelle's blog and sure enough, you never seize to amaze me! I'll be thinking and praying for all of you today. Have a Happy Thanksgiving!
~Sandra Tracy
Rebecca, Blessing to you and your family on this holiday. Thanks for sharing your heart. You put to words so much of what us mommies who have lost a child are feeling. God will make good out of our loss. Thinking of you, Beth
As always, I take you to our Father in prayer. Thank you for continuing to be a blessing for so many, even on the tough days.
Heart hugs,
Sara
Rebecca,
What a beautiful post! Your words are always such a blessing and speak to my heart in so many ways. I am thank-FULL for you and our friendship!
Love,
Lea
PS I love my magnet and the awesome ministry is promotes and supports!
I hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving weekend!! I LOVED your post , it brought tears to my eyes. I know that Annabelle is also Thank-FULL that she was blessed to be your angel!!!
Andrea
I WISH EVERYONE COULD LOOK AT LIFE AND BE THANKFUL FOR WHAT THEY HAVE, SOMETIMES WE GET SO CAUGHT UP IN OUR "LIL" CIRCUMSTANCES AND COMPLAIN TOO MUCH....THROUGH OUR HEART BABY ZEB, GOD HAS TAUGHT ME SO MUCH AND I AM THANKFUL EVERY SINGLE DAY FOR THE GOOD AND BAD. YOU ARE AN AWESOME TESTIMONY FOR WHAT GOD CAN DO EVEN IN LOSS...I KNOW THAT GOD'S GLORY SHINES THROUGH BECAUSE OF LIL ANNABELLE'S LIFE...YOU ARE AN INSPIRATION TO US ALL. THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR HEART AND YOUR LIFE!! GOD BLESS YOU!
RHONDA :)
Rebecca,
firstly,your annabelle is probably the most beautiful baby girl i've ever seen!
secondly,my son,emmett,was born july 18 of this year.he has hlhs and has had the first and second stage surgeries.he had to have the second stage earlier than expected because he outgrew the shunt so quickly!he weighed 6lbs 9oz when he was born,and by the time we ended back up in charleston,which was on halloween,he weighed almost 13lbs!
he is truly a blessing and a miracle.
i can't explain in words how much i truly appreciate you and your annabelle.i keep one of the cards that came with our baskets on our dining room table to remind us to cherish every milisecond of every day that we get with our son.you're an inspiration and a blessing.i can't describe how comforted and supported i felt when i first saw emmett's annabelle basket.
thank you for everything that you do!
annabelle is a beautiful angel.
i can only imagine how it feels to lose your baby.God knows i've thought about how i would feel if something were to happen to emmett.
i'm truly so sorry for your loss and i know its hard.
annabelle is such a blessing.
my email address is candicereneem@yahoo.com if you ever care to talk or if you need anything.
take care!best wishes to you and your family.
love,
your fellow heart brother,emmett,
and his mommy,candice
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