As tomorrow approaches and we mark the first anniversary of our daughter's passing from this life into Eternity, I have been searching and clinging to scriptures that wipe out any doubt from my mind that losing her wasn't supposed to be. If you have experienced the loss of a child or anyone that seemed to be taken at the wrong time or too early, then you know what I mean. Everyone says that it isn't fair or that's it's too soon and, for the most part, they are right.
According to this world, she was taken far too soon and missed out on so many things that she should have had the opportunity to experience. This is where selfish human nature overtakes God's Plan.
Today, I am choosing not to be selfish when everything in me wants to be. I want to curl up and hide from the coming days but I can't because tomorrow was ordained to be her day.
According to Webster's II New Riverside University Dictionary, ordain means to prearrange unalterably. There is nothing that I could have done, that the medical team could have done or anyone could have done to change the fact that March 27, 2008 was the day from the beginning of time that God had ordained for her to join Him in her Heavenly Home. I know that. I have thought through every single second of those hours. Everything that could have been done was and more.
It was arranged and planned just for her...I just didn't know it.
I am a bit of a compulsive planner but knowing that the Master of Our Universe planned that day and that moment for my daughter gives me the feeling that her Homecoming was uniquely perfect down to every tiny detail. As I was dressing her and changing her diaper that morning planning on taking her for her two month well checkup, God was sending angels throughout Heaven to gather up the exact greeters He had chosen to welcome her Home. He probably had my mother smock her a new gown for her earlier that morning and make her a hairbow in just the same fashion she had made for me for so many years. They were ready, He was ready and that moment was perfect according to His Plan.
That is what I choose to believe and how I will handle tomorrow...please pray that for our family as we remember the day that was prearranged unalterably for our Annabelle.
"For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother's womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be." Psalm 139:13-16
30 comments:
I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers!!! Your beautiful story has touched my life as well as the lives of all who read your blog!! Thank you so much for sharing your family's journey with all of us!!
Love,
Alyson (mommy to Evan and Avery -(severe PPHN)
You will be in my heart all day tomorrow as you cherish your daughters earthy life. I hope you can focus on the sweet life she lived and the many lives she's blessed since. I pray for peace to fill your soul. Your Sweet Annabelle was a true gift from God. May you always feel her near. I hope she and her two other Heart Sister's Eden and Gracie Girl are all holding hands in Heaven dancing around with JOY that they are perfect and whole.
All My Love,
Jill
You have been on my mind this morning and last night. I will be thinking about Annabelle tomorrow and praying for you and your family. In 2 months we will be were you are on this first anniversary of our girls joining Jesus in heaven. I often have the same questions that you just wrote about. But like Psalm 139 I know that this WAS God's plan for Annabelle and for Lindsay. He already knew from before they were born when they would live with him.
May you and your family find peace and comfort tomorrow and look back at all the happy memories you have with your little girl.
Love,
Laura
We will be thinking of you and praying for you as you and your family face the one year anniversary on Annabelle being with Jesus. I know it will be a hard day but you are an amazing example of how to cling to Jesus.
I can just see Annabelle and Lindsay dancing and playing with Jesus.
With much love,
Julie Houston
Lindsay Groen's Aunt :)
I read this blog and think of how lucky Annabelle was to have you as a mother. You are a wonderful person and I hope and pray that tomarrow you will find peace in knowing that Annabelle is with our heavenly father. I would like to know of any scriptures you find helpful in getting through this tough time so when our anniversury comes up we might find comfort in remembering that each of our children our blessings no matter how long we get to spend with them. Just know that you are loved and he feels your pain and wants you to feel his comfort. Sincerly Tracy Fuhriman
Rebecca, Scott and my precious Wyatt...I love yall so much and miss Annabelle. I know that mommy is taking good care of her in Heaven and that neither of them are in pain anymore. I wish I could take the pain away but I will pray for you all day tomorrow. I love you and know that it will be okay because you have so much faith. See you guys on Saturday for Wyatt's first game!
We will certainly keep all of you in our thoughts and prayers tomorrow as you celebrate Annabelle's sweet life. You are such a strong person and such and incredible witness to so many people. May your heart be filled with peace during this difficult time. Love, Rebekah
Oh sweet Rebecca - I can't read thru this post without tears falling. You, Annabelle, Wyatt and Scott will be in my thoughts and prayers tomorrow - as you often are. You know you all hold a very special place within me...
Much love ~ Amanda
You are in my thoughts and will be thinking of you tomorrow. Your post is beautiful and well said.
I meant to ask you too if you have heard that song "Sissy's Song" by Alan Jackson - it brought tears to my eyes the first time I heard it and continues to do so. I think of you and Annabelle....
Love Amanda
Please know that we will be praying for your family tomorrow. Praying for a glorious day as you celebrate her "ordained" day to be with Jesus. Thank you for your posts and for Annabelle's legacy that has brought us altogether as part of the family of God. As we anticipate all the firsts for us during the next 2 months, I know God will hold us, too, in His hands. What a joy to think of Lindsay and Annabelle dancing with Jesus on their special days. You all are loved.
Love,
Jan Welte, Lindsay Bear Groen's Granny
I have been thinking about you a lot this week. Your family is always in our prayers. Lorelei says hello! We are blessed to have you in our life!
Love, Jess
We think of you often and will especially do so tomorrow. Your family is an inspiration to all of us. Annabelle was so blessed to be a part of the Butcher Family.
With lots of love and prayers on this very special day. God loves you all.
Jan and Ann
Friend
Your unshakable faith through unbearable circumstances speaks volumes of the intimate relationship you have with the Lord. If anyone has a reason to be bitter, its you. Yet you have chosen to embrace the TRUTH of who we know God is and the promises His word holds for us. I know He is delighted with your heart...your growth...your surrender...and the way you daily give glory to Him through living with open hands. I count it a privilege to call you friend.
Wishing always that Evie's first and forever friend were joining us whenever we get together...and looking forward to the day we watch them dance together in heaven!
Oh, could you please post some more of Annabelle's pictures? We particularly LOVE one of Wyatt and Annabelle together. Her smile in that picture will always be on my heart!!!!
Jan
Your words always have a way of touching my heart. What a beautiful post! You and your family are on my mind, in my heart and in my prayers today, tomorrow, and always!
i love this precious little girl & will be praying for you & your family tomorrow! she is so special and God uses her to touch lives daily! heart hugs will be sent your way tomorrow :)
You are definitely in my prayers. My daughter's 3rd birthday is approaching and I am already preparing myself for the celebration at her grave. I have a book called Mommy, there are no tears in Heaven. I love to read it and look at the beautiful pictures of small children in Heaven. I imagine what she looks like now and all of the fun that she is having. I imagine her sitting in Jesus' lap and singing praise songs. I think about her riding on the streets of gold with my dad on a Honda Goldwing. I long for the day that we will be reunited. When she first passed away I struggled with wondering how I would survive all of the remaining years of my life with this hole in my heart. A few months later my thoughts changed and I realized how brief life here on this Earth is. Eternity is forever. I remind myself that I only have to wait a short time on this earth until I am called home to Heaven and there I will stay for eternity. Thank you for sharing your blog and your heart.
Thinking and praying for your family today…tomorrow…always...
I will pray for you and your family tomorrow.
Please know that you have friends all over the place praying for you peace and comfort today. I hope that knowing you have the support system that you do offers some support in itself!
Lots of Love, Erica
Praying for you all!!
I'm amazed and in awe at your strength and faith. I can only hope that one day it is as strong as yours is today! You are in my thoughts and prayers today!!!!
Dear Rebecca,
I will never forget the moment I read your post a year ago when you lost your precious Annabelle. Here I was, sobbing uncontrollably for someone I only knew through Suzie Dean on a blog, but I felt I loved you as much as my own daughter. I could not imagine how you and your family were going to survive such pain.
Well, it is a year later and I dream of the day when we manage to get you and Suzie in the same state, so you can meet in person, with the rest of us in Michigan meeting you too. Why? Because as a result of your absolutely beautiful writing, I know you have survived and even triumphed. You are such an inspiration to us all...your ability to search your heart, and your Bible, for strength and understandingis amazing. You have turned your grief into action with the basket ministry, showing other heart families how much you love them and giving them hope. And you have helped Suzie in particular, in ways I can't even verbalize...just know your love, support, and friendship have saved her sanity many days. Because of your example, she KNOWS she can face what happens with Lindsay, even if it is the worst imaginable. To those of us who love her, that is a gift we will appreciate forever. We love her...but you KNOW what she is going through and you can help her in a way we cannot. Thank you from the bottom of our heats.
So now, as you grieve your precious Annabelle on this anniversary, please know there are hundreds of us you have never met who love you, are thinking of you today, praying for you and your family today and are immeasurably proud of how you have faced this challenge in your life. Be brave: God is Good!
Love, Elaine
Sending lots of love and prayers for you and your sweet family today.
Blessings,
Aimee Gillespie
You and your family are always in my thought and prayer everyday but especially today. You still amaze me with your strength.
Please know that people that have never even met you are praying for you as you remember Annabelle! May the Lord continue to wrap His loving arms of comfort around you!
Love,
Kelly in Woodbridge, VA
Rebecca,
You are all in my thoughts and prayers today! Love to you all!!
Erica May
I have been thinking of you all week, but more today than ever. I pray that Annabelle's spirit will be close to you all day. It truly was ordained to be her day to return to her father in heaven and I have no doubt that He welcomed her with open arms and much love. I am sure that Annabelle and Eden and so many others are having a FABULOUS party today and I know that they want us to be happy! I continue to pray for you and your family daily that the Lord will lead you and bring you peace and comfort.
Love, Keisa
Your faith continues to be an inspiration to our family and a reminder of the love that God has for all of us. Thank you for always sharing Annabelle's story with us. May God bless you every single day.
Love,
The Halls
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