Just as He had planned...

After a beautiful and moving service yesterday morning at church, we went to visit Annabelle's special place. We usually change out her hairbow, freshen up her flowers and just tidy up her little spot. We put her Easter bunny bow on last week and I thought we'd leave it just one more week before changing it. We still went to visit...eventhough our almost 5 year old son reminded us just as soon as we got there that "she's not here". I found it interesting that in 54 weeks of visiting her special place at least once, he has never said that she's not there. He understands that her body is behind the granite stone. He will occasionally try to yell to her through the cracks or, once, took his little toy hammer and knocked asking if anyone was home (Scott said he was running if someone answered). He knows that her spirit, the part that really matters, is safe in Jesus' arms. It was only appropriate and quite profound that he tell us for the first time on Easter that she's not there. Praise God that she's not there! It was all because of the first glorious Easter morning when Jesus rose from his grave that we have hope and peace and complete joy that our baby girl is not in that little concrete box, but living freely and in more glory than my mind can imagine! Jesus made it possible and He guides our steps as we travel this road ahead...

This brings me to a burning question that so many of you have had..our newest gift's given name! I must start by explaining several things first. When I was just pregnant with Annabelle, I was certain that she was a boy. I had only had a son and my pregnancy was so similiar that I just knew another little boy was on the way. I was elated to learn that she was the little girl I'd dreamt of having...and still is! However, we had already named her the boy name that we had as our backup when we had Wyatt. (There were only two names that we ever agreed upon for him and he's named one of them.) So, baby #2 was going to be the other name that we loved...until he was a she. Annabelle is named after both of her grandmothers and her maternal great grandmother. Once we had put it all together, I looked up the meaning online and knew it was perfect for her...gracious and merciful beauty she is indeed!

Fast forward to this pregnancy, I didn't really even think about boy names because, honestly, I prayed for a girl. I just knew that after all of our heartache we would be given another girl. About two weeks before finding out the gender, I began a Bible study by Beth Moore that I've had since Wyatt was a baby. It begins by studying Mary and Elizabeth's pregnancies with Jesus and John the Baptist. Their joy and excitement is contagious and had me wondering just what was in store for the little one we were given. I asked God to soften my heart towards the possibility of having another son if that was His plan.

I have also made amazing friends with another heart mom who experienced a very similiar loss with her third child. We have chatted late into the night about just how alike our two little heart babies are...even their final hours with us. Our little ones even favor each other and have a look that is identical between them showing the wisdom beyond their little life on earth. I know our babies are the best of friends!

A couple of weeks ago, I prayed specifically for a sign. I knew that all things seemed to point to this being his name but call me Doubting Thomas...I just needed more. I am completely aware that I am not due anything and haven't deserved half of what I've been given but God is so gracious! We went to visit Annabelle after church that morning, just two days after her Jesus Day and the many tears that were shed there on Friday. I didn't want to go. Scott and I agreed that it would be a brief visit. I usually spend all my time there with her, mothering her in any way that I still can. This time I walked around a little and just 7 spots down from her I looked up and saw this...

Only the Master of the Universe could have orchestrated something so perfect! Only He knew that our baby girl would be buried just feet away 9 years after this man and that we would need Him to give us reassurance in His plan in such a startling way...the Bible study was on the first chapter of Luke, my friend's little boy & Annabelle's precious friend is Luke, and the name that we had held out on 5 years ago is Luke. How about getting a sign in bronze! We laughed the rest of the day knowing that God and the little dollbaby sitting on his lap had to be getting a kick out of this one!