Walking by Faith

“For we walk by faith, not by sight.”  2 Corinthians 5:7

September of 2003 I had just begun my final semester at the University of South Carolina.  Scott and I were married the summer a year before and my daddy made him promise to get me through college.  I had changed majors a few times early on and finally settled on a degree in English to get that Bachelor’s earned and done.  I took many summer courses once we were married in hopes to finish as quickly as possible and finally earn a little more than the part-time pay check I had for the first year and a half of our marriage.  I had ambitious dreams of working in the pharmaceutical industry and my foot in the door.   I was less than three months away from walking across the stage and becoming a Gamecock alumni when everything I had planned on changed.

Walking by faith…

We were shocked to learn that that little pink pill that I had taken daily hadn’t worked and I was nearly 9 weeks along in my first pregnancy.   We were going to become parents ready or not…and mostly not.   Thankfully, my pregnancy with Wyatt was about as easy as one can be and I was able to continue taking 18 hours of school each week and work almost 30 more.  I walked across that stage and received my diploma carrying my firstborn son on December 15, 2003.  I continued to work until just two days before I was {finally} induced to give birth at the end of the following April.  We pinched pennies and saved like there was no tomorrow so that I could stay home with my baby and prayed that it’d be enough to last 3 months.  Trust me when I say that nursing him was not an option.  We were walking by faith and praying for God to provide needs that we didn’t even know we had.

To make a very long story a teeny bit shorter, Scott was offered a new job by the time Wyatt turned 3 months old just as I was beginning to consider full time job opportunities.  {Remember we had 3 months worth of living expenses in savings…God’s totally in the details.}  His new position offered more income and a company vehicle and I was able to stay home with my baby.

Walking by faith…

Fast forward to May 2007 and that silly little pill didn’t work again.  The Lord has given us our second blessing…a daughter.  Once again this was not our plan but His.  And a great plan at that!  Most of you know the amazing gift that she is to our family and the remarkable ways that He has used her little life.  But then He took her Home and as scared as I was for losing another child, my arms ached endlessly to have them filled again.  My husband was more afraid than I.  He couldn’t protect me from another loss and he most certainly couldn’t bear to watch me weep over another grave.   As I begged him for another child, he refused.  It was too soon.  The mourning was still too deep.  My mother’s heart knew that those things would never change and yet I still had the hope of welcoming another child into our family.   I prayed night after night after night for the Lord to soften his heart and liken it to mine.  And He did.

Walking by faith…

On the very day that my mother had met Jesus face to face years earlier, a faint pink line gave me hope for the future.  God had given us another baby to love.  Our Bringer of Light was born the following August just as I began homeschooling Wyatt.  {Yet another walk by faith that was brought to us through Annabelle.  Many would never believe that it was the child that I only had in my arms for two months that turned our hearts towards home schooling, but it completely was.  And it’s been the most amazing gift!}

And then just when I thought our family was complete, I had the option taken away of ever giving birth to another child.  I had experienced some {many} issues that continued to worsen all the more after having Luke.  I barely managed and medicated my way through them for a year and a half until I couldn’t tolerate the pain any longer.  What I thought were issues that may get solved with some insignificant procedure actually required a full hysterectomy.  My mother’s four diagnoses of cancer didn’t help my odds either.  I wept again…for the unknown, for the what ifs, for the possibilities…and accepted it as part of God’s plan.

Walking by faith…

Just as the Lord did nearly nine and a half years ago, He’s thrown us a curve ball.  I’ve been kicking and screaming and trying my best to ignore His calling.   He has shown me time after time that my plan is not His.  He’s left certain prayers unanswered and answered others in the most amazing ways immediately.  I’m a creature of comfort and what He’s calling us to do is anything but comfortable for this Type A, home body.  My heart has been moved but my mind was holding me back.   And then He showed me this…

“Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn’t do it, sins.”  James 4:17

I am His child.  I have to do His will.  I have been made for no other purpose than to bring glory to Him and serve others…and if this is what He desires then I will obey.  And, truth be told, I am so incredibly excited to just see what He does this time!

 

We are walking by faith.  Our hearts are open and our minds are still trying to grasp hold of the ride He has us on.  But, what’s even more, is that He’s given us a history of walking by faith…of calming our fears…of meeting every need…of going before and preparing the way…and of showing us how to walk in it.  And that we will do.

Please join us in praying for our family’s future…and for the precious fourth gift that He has waiting for us on the other side of this world.