{Thirteen}

She'd be a teenager...and I just cannot wrap my mind around it.  This year has been hard.  Harder than most for sure but still we had so much to celebrate.  The tiny baby girl who changed everything in our family from homeschooling to opening our hearts to others with theirs born broken and so much more.  My dear friend surprised me with cupcakes from our favorite "Cupcake" that the kids had the most fun picking out the day before- so we were truly able to just focus on being together and doing what we could.  We met Scott to hang up a new wreath at her resting place and then had a little party after dinner.  It was slow and sweet and exactly what my heart needed.  My goal was to get out of bed and we did so much more...in His strength alone.  

Happy Birthday, my Belle...longing for the day we celebrate together...

This year we had a neat little conversation heading home about how Annabelle isn't really an angel although we used those words on her marker.  Now that Panda is reading a little and asking lots of questions when there are words that interest her, she expressed interest in learning more so the best little chit-chat ensued.  We talked about angels as messengers of God and completely different beings...and how we are made in the image of God and that makes us even better than an angel.  We talked about our souls and new bodies in Heaven and how the saying on Belle's marker is a figure of speech we used while she was here...and perhaps something we in the South just use more than most and sometimes out of context. We talked about God assigning angels over each of us and how they are with us even now.  And how they probably don't look like little Renaissance paintings either as all given by name in Scripture are male and quite impressive in sight- definitely not fat babies with wings.  :)   It amazes me at how the kids' grasp faith in the simplest and most profound way.  And it reminds me of just how simple the Gospel really is... If nothing else, that conversation was worth journeying through another birthday wrought with grief and emotions that I truly just cannot put into words. So, I am thankful. 

My entire heart.

The only one I could ever imagine walking through the trenches with and journeying to the highest heights.  Today somehow felt like both. 

Panda's face when she realized that it was her brothers' who blew out the candles and not her is classic.  She always makes us smile.  She is also the one who embraces her big sister as though they've been friends forever and teaches her baby sister about the darling sister neither has never met...yet somehow has the sweetest connection to. 

Chocolate makes everyone happy! What was even better was that I didn't have to do a thing and was able to just enjoy watching them savor this sacred day.

She perked up quickly once she got to pick out her cupcake!